LOATHE ME
091803

If I
Let myself get close to you
A requisite you will be to me.
If I am too contingent,
Mislay will I, the faculty to be alone,
To function on my own,
Bungling to survive without you
Weak will I be, vacillating, irresolute.
Then I
Must spurn propinquity,
Must secede myself from you, careless,
For I will need to be certain,
So not to pine for you heftily,
If mislaid you will be.

Loathe me.
Be repulsed by me
For I am being me.

Should I,
Be implicated to you, then I shun you.
As I accept as true,
I am not within acceptable limits
For you to be enthralled to me.
If I am not attracted to you,
For certain will I be unperturbed, forthcoming as I am not anxious,
For always will I be before the one I am not rapt to.

Loathe me.
Be repulsed by me
For I am being me.

If I diverge from you,
I miss what I clinch with you.
I heave closer.
If I need you, I am feeble.
I hate myself for being feeble.
I resent you for making me feeble.
I distance myself from you.

Loathe me.
Be repulsed by me
For I am being me.

Go on, tell me what you want.
But constrained will I feel to conform what you want.
When I feel proscribed,
Scrawny, inadequate, do I feel inside
Not the least bit can I give you what you stipulate for, devoid of feeling piqued.
Convey me your feelings,
Then I must do what you want,
That would meddle with what I want.
So,
I do not want to heed your feelings.

Loathe me.
Be repulsed by me
For I am being me.

Should I be where I want to be,
I would by no means be impotent, weak, tired, afraid, inadequate,
But I am.
Therefore, I feel inadequate.
I must fail to disclose my feelings,
So you would not find out how flawed I really am.
Lie. I live a lie.

Loathe me.
Be repulsed by me
For I, yes I,
Love you,
But I am being me.